I haven’t written, really written in a while. Sure, I’ve posted my daily photo and I’ve include the snippits in my mind, but it’s been some time since I’ve really put some thoughts on paper, or on the screen as it may be.
I keep looking at my journal, the one where I record a Bible verse each night and wonder why I don’t pick it up and and write in it like I used to. I remember spending hours writing in my journals, penning my thoughts, recording the randomness of my days. I suspect that access to computers simply makes writing, really writing by hand, seem tedious and laborious. An electronic journal, much more personal I guess than this blog, just doesn’t seem authentic for some reason.
The summer has flown by, without much of what identifies it as, well, summer. Instead of being outside, I’ve been in my head. I’ve blamed the heat. I’ve blamed the drought, but in all honesty, I’ve simply let the summer pass me by as I’ve been inside my home, a/c blasting, blinds pulled, much like a cave. The weeks of cooler temperatures did lure me outside, but the majority of the time, I found myself deep in thought, on my own and isolated by choice.
I’ve been doing some soul searching. I’ve been doing some thinking. I’ve been doing some learning, learning about myself. That’s not easy, I’ve realized. It’s tough to look with a keen eye at how you tick, to take yourself apart piece by piece and look at each one on its own and then figure out how it fits with the others you’ve disected. It’s difficult to see what you let influence you. It’s even harder to move away from the things that don’t make you a better person, whether they are by your own design, or those you have surrounded yourself with.
And I want to be a good person. I want to be happy. I want to be happy not only for myself, but for those around me. I want to be secure and confident in who I am, realizing that I am not perfect, but I who I am, every growing and ever changing. I want to be kind. I want to be supportive. I want to be encouraging.